The REAL Top 10 Things That Tick Off Your Waiter

[bholas]

5. Getting Upset That I Don’t Sing Happy Birthday


When I worked at IHOP, I sang Happy Birthday. When I worked at a sushi restaurant and beyond, I didn’t. Not every restaurant is like that place your parents used to take you when you were a kid. Maybe it seems cruel and unfair that I don’t want to (and don’t have to) sing to you now, but we all have to grow up sometime. Don’t take it personally and don’t act like I owe you a song, this is not American Idol, this is a restaurant and we have our traditions and policies. If our policy is not to perform for you, not my problem and certainly not my fault. I’m sorry you’re disappointed but I’m not so sorry I’m going to sing or “make an exception”. If you go somewhere else next year because we didn’t sing or give you free dessert, by all means please do. Granted this is mostly an issue with college aged patrons, and when you’re in your early twenties and learning that the world does not revolve around you the way it did at home or in college life seems unfair. Because life is unfair, but I am not.

[bholas]

4. Not Understanding That We Are Closing


You have every right to come in and be served right up until our posted hours. However, if we close at 11, and you come in at 10:59 and ask for dessert around 11:45-12:00, guess what? We probably can’t do it because our pastry chef probably went home. Blame the restaurant all you want, you come in for “last call” at your own risk. Yes we are open and yes we are serving, but the longer you stay the least likely our full menu is available. It’s about controlling hours for labor cost, it’s about food safety violations for storage and cleanliness, it’s about basic electricity and gas bills. We are a business after all and unless you’re willing to spend the money to pay to keep everyone and everything on until you’re done, respect the fact that you came in at the last minute, so you get last minute options. Whether you came in or not we would be closing down because that’s how we run the restaurant. Don’t get mad, don’t be disappointed, if you want full service and full options, ask before you decide to order at 10:59.

[bholas]

3. Walking your Child


We are not a daycare, this is not a place to teach your children to walk. Do it outside or better yet, at home. Almost every night some parent either lets their toddler run around or holds their hands while they walk around. Not a good idea. Lots of people rushing, lots of plates, trays, glasses, forks, knives, and many other non-child-proof materials are flying about. I don’t want anything to happen to your kid, and you certainly don’t want anything to happen to your kid so don’t tempt fate by waddling behind your toddler in a crowded restaurant. Dangerous, careless, and rude to the other guests.

[bholas]

2. Customizing Your Meal


We have a menu for a reason. Chef offers specials for a reason. You are not the cook and this is not your kitchen. Making something vegetarian or switching the starch, no problem. Adding different sauces, baking instead of grilling, salmon instead of chicken, get out of my face with that stuff. Tell me what kind of meal you’re looking for and I’ll find it, or not. Just because you’re sitting at a table doesn’t mean I have to serve you exactly what you’re thinking of. There is a concept behind the menu and there is a concept behind the meals. If none of them are what you want go somewhere else. If you don’t want to leave, be brave and try something new. Telling me to go ask the chef won’t work either, trust me when I tell you we don’t make it this way and we don’t offer those options. It’s not good business to tell a guest “no”, so if I’m telling you we can’t do it, it’s not because we don’t want you to have a good time, it’s because we simply aren’t what you’re looking for. Respect that. Accept it. Don’t blame us for not being your mom’s cooking.

[bholas]

1. Snapping your Fingers


Honestly this happens pretty rarely, but it shouldn’t happen at all. I am not a dog, I am not a child. I am another person doing their job as best they can and there is no reason to treat me this way. If it’s busy and you can’t get my attention, I apologize. But if you snap your fingers at me, then you don’t want service, you want a slave. I have many other guests during the night, I don’t need you. The restaurant doesn’t need you. You are one among many, not the master of your table and certainly not of me. Snap your fingers and I might break them off, and I’d be completely justified. Try snapping your fingers at your significant other sometime, or your parents, or the police when you need them. Let me know how that turns out. If you can’t treat me with basic respect then you are a jerk, and I hope you don’t come back