Dealing With Crany Co-workers and Clients

Dealing with Cranky Co-workers and Clients
How to Banish Negativity to Keep the Joy of Work Alive
COPYWRITE: Jody Urquhart

• Learn How to Stay Calm and In Control In Conflict
• Learn Four Steps to Deal with Negative Behavior
• Practice Handling Conflict With Ease and Confidence

Let’s face it; some people’s mood swings can gnaw at
your sanity. Crankiness is infectious. It can spread
through an office as silently and pervasively as a
virus. You will do anything to escape the cranky
person’s subtle harassment and frequent emotional
outbursts. Another’s foul moods can become your
liability, draining the joy out of your job. These
unhappy individuals can deteriorate group morale,
lower productivity, and scare away clients.

MIRROR, MIRROR, ON THE WALL, WHO’S THE CRANKIEST OF
THEM ALL?

Unbelievably, most prickly people have no idea of
their toxic attitudes. As psychologists suggest,
knowing is half the battle because you can’t change
what you don’t know and you can’t see. How do you help
cranky people to ‘fess up to their mood swings? Can
you hold up a mirror so they can see the villain
inside? Read on to find out how to “de-crank” the
cranky. Before getting overwhelmed by their energy
sapping demands, remember you are in control.

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Names Will
Never Hurt Me

Remember that nobody can ruin your day until you give
him or her permission. Only you ultimately control the
way you respond to situations and people. This is very
powerful. The next time someone loses it and tries to
take it out on you, before you get upset or take on
the blame, be assured that you have a choice. Do I let
this upset me or not? Most things don’t warrant your
attention. If you work with someone who habitually
flies off the handle, you will have to learn not to
take it personally.

TIPS TO DIFFUSE CONFLICT:

• Diffuse hostility by relating to the other’s point
of view.

• Anger is not productive and the sooner you can calm
the culprit down the better. Use statements like, “I
can appreciate what you’re saying” or “I’ve felt that
way too” or “That’s what I’ve thought for awhile” or
“While that may be true…” Once you’ve calmed the other
person down you can discuss things on a more
reasonable level. If you can win them over, they will
start to see you as an ally and trust in your opinion.
This is where you have the power to influence their
future behavior.

• Stay calm. Going straight for the throat is the
worst thing you can do because people tend to mimic
your behavior. If you get angry, they get angrier and
you have just helped to fuel their behavior. When
under fire in such a situation, use deep breathing,
positive affirmations (e.g. “I will remain calm, “or”
I can handle this”), or focus on the resolution.

• Back out gracefully. We are all human. If someone is
on the attack and you’re not in the mood to defend
yourself, try diffusing the attacker and back out
gracefully. “I can see you are upset, and we need to
discuss this, but now is not the time. Let’s talk
about it later.” It is far better to come back to that
person after time out when you are both in the mood to
discuss the situation.

• Use good body language. In situations of conflict,
body language betrays your frustration and anger.
Indicate you are listening by making eye contact,
nodding, smiling, leaning forward, and paraphrasing
what you hear.

• Verbally move the “complaint” along. Some people
need to complain, so let them. Most people will get it
out and move on. Others may see this as an opportunity
to drag someone else through the mud. The best way to
stop the complaints is to move it along. “OK, yes,
alright… I hear you...” Once you get the gist of the
argument, quickly reiterate their concern and move
onto the solution. You don’t have to be a victim of
others’ complaining, so instead of visualizing duct
tape over their mouths, try paying attention and move
the conversation along towards a resolution.

• Listen for words and emotions. When people are
emotionally charged, they color their words with their
attitudes. It is important to stay focused. What are
they getting at and what does this mean to you? It
helps to be straightforward and ask, “What are you
trying to tell me?” Try to understand their basic
needs and respond to them. Your responses may not
solve their deeper life issues but they will set a
positive tone in your relationship.

• Be solutions-oriented and not problem focused.
Behavior that gets recognized gets repeated, good or
bad. If you spend too much time wallowing in the
problem it may just grow. Understand and sum up the
problem and immediately focus on the solution.

• Use the “How can I help?” approach. “You seemed
annoyed and withdrawn at the meeting when we really
needed your input. What’s wrong? How can I help?” Most
frustrated employees really want to talk about the
situation so they can move on.

• Never blame. When someone is upset, placing the
blame back on him or her is dangerous. They are not in
a position to recognize their faults. Avoid phrases
such as: “You should have, you didn’t, you can’t…”
These accusatory statements will only put others on
the defensive.

FOUR STEPS TO DEAL WITH NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR

1. Diffuse the anger by relating to the problem. “I
notice you seemed irritated by my patient and I can
understand. Sometimes she is hard to deal with.”

2. Talk about what you saw. “I saw you get really
upset
with Ms. Jones because she wouldn’t take her
medication.”

3. Ask for what you want. “The next time this happens,
can you just politely explain why the medication is
important and assist her in taking it?”

4. Wait for agreement. Sit down if possible when
delivering criticism. Arguments tend to escalate when
people are standing.

Crush Criticism

Squawking sour criticism behind co-workers’ backs is
destructive. Eventually, people become wise to cruel
intentions and this begs for retribution. Stop
criticism before it gets out of hand. Encourage
employees to keep a positive tone when talking with
co-workers. If they carry a grudge it should be dealt
directly with the person they hold the grudge against.
Be on the watch for criticism seeping into
conversation and encourage critical colleagues to
explore their feelings and come to terms with them.

EXERCISE: PRACTICE CONFIDENTLY CROSSING CRITICISM
Who are the difficult people in your life?
Make a list of some who you have encountered in the
last couple weeks. Briefly recall the situations.
What did they say and how did you handle it?
Now visualize it happening differently.
What would you say that would calm the person down?
How would you move the conversation along and resolve
the issue?
See yourself doing this in a very relaxed, confident
and focused manner, positively affecting the
relationship in the future.
I suggest you do this visualization exercise once a
week if possible. Then when you are in a tumultuous
situation, all you have to do is call up this vision
you have rehearsed in your mind and it will give you
the confidence to handle the situation.


DISARMED BY HONESTY

Imagine this. A frustrated employee tries to provoke a
co-worker. It works; he’s mad. But instead of
traditionally flaring up, he stops and realizes he’s
angry, reflects on the reason and responds with an
honest _expression of his emotion. He says, “I want to
understand what you’re saying and I’m feeling
frustrated that we can’t come to terms with this. I
don’t dislike your idea; I’m just finding it hard to
concentrate because we are both so emotionally
charged.” There is nothing more disarming than an
honest and clear _expression of emotion. Honesty
disarms crankiness.

If we don’t deal with emotionally charged situations
right away then we might carry emotional baggage that
colors our relationships in the future. Be faithful to
who you are and what you are there to do. Resist the
temptation to let others derail your efforts.

ACTION PLAN

1. Practice the techniques to keep calm and in control
in conflict. Write down the techniques that work best
for you so that you can use them again.

2. Practice the four steps to deal with negative
behavior.

3. Do the practice visualization—handling conflict
with ease and confidence.