Top 10 Products for the Patriot Who Has Everything

[bholas]

Every holiday has its share of chotsky (stuff we don’t need, but buy nonetheless, usually on an emotional whim) and Independence Day (July the 4th) is no exception. Below you will find a collection of gifts and trinkets that will have you singing Yankee Doodle Dandy and God Bless America in no time. Just remember, by the time Halloween rolls around you’ll probably be wondering where the heck your swanky American flag belt buckle ended up (ask your wife). Enjoy your holiday weekend this fourth of July and be safe.
10. Patriotic Yoga Dog T-shirt



I really don’t need to write anything humorous, the actual description is enough: “Show your puppy love. Put your pooch in his own cool doggie t-shirt from American Apparel. He’ll be the envy of all the pups in the park. Let him wear a doggie-cool design so he can express what he’d like to bark out loud. Do it up in doggie style!” I will add that I didn’t think you could read the phrase doggie-style in the description without smirking, and I was right. Dogs and Yoga, a natural fit.

Similar Threads:

• Promote the Products You Believe In
• The Top 10 Products of the Year
• 25 Hot Products To See in 2009
• The Best Products Of 2008

[bholas]

9. Stars and Stripes Guitar-Shaped Belt-Buckle and Bottle Opener



This product, which can be yours for the low-low price of $15.99, is quite possibly the greatest patriotic item in the history of mankind. Are we exaggerating? Short answer: No. This is for the patriotic citizen who is looking to spend his Independence Day kicking ass and chewing bubblegum, but who suddenly finds himself lacking completely in bubble gum. Not only is this item rock n’ roll by its very shape — tell us you don’t think of Jimi Hendrix’s version of the Star Spangled Banner when you clock your eyes on to that — but it’s also an extremely versatile product. First it will help hold up your pants, and if you’re going to be cutting loose on the dance floor this Independence Day, that’s a mighty important thing. Two, you can open your beers on it. What’s more, you can make friends, and possibly win a future wife, by letting others open their beers on your belt. Of course, any bar where belt-buckles like this are the norm might be the kind of place where a broken nose and a fist-fight are part of the floor show. That is where it’s third use comes in: as a weapon. What better way to celebrate your country’s birthday then by leaving the impression of Ole’ Glory on some idiot’s forehead?

[bholas]

8. American Flag-themed rolling papers



While marijuana is still illegal under US federal law, several states have decriminalized in it. In California, you can get a medical permit to access enough of the stuff to make Snoop Dogg want to throw up from the smell. Celebrate the great freedoms in the US that only promise to get greater as the decriminalization of pot continues by sparking up an Independence Day joint that is the size of Shaq’s middle finger using these appropriately-themed rolling papers.

[bholas]

7. Budweiser American Eagle Beer-tap Handle



Frank Zappa once said “You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.” America’s beer (for now, until the takeover deal with Belgian mega-brewer Inbev goes through), and a surprisingly popular choice in Ireland where there is better beer (like Beamish) on offer, is Budweiser. We cannot trash talk this brew too too much as we have our own similarly shite beers in Canada, thank you Messers Molson and Labatt. This ornamental beer tap however can be put on any sort of brew and you can put a piece of masking tape over the Budweiser name. Drinking draft beer is about the most pleasantly patriotic thing we can think of doing, and what better way to do that then by tapping the symbol of American freedom, and the motif for many a bad tattoo, the bald eagle.

[bholas]

6. Story of the American Revolution Beer Stein



You’ve sat through hours of history class in school and made a concerted effort to forget what you were learning the moment it hit your ears. You watched the HBO John Adams miniseries and enjoyed it, but couldn’t reconcile one of your founding fathers being played by that guy from Sideways who slurped wine out of a McDonald’s super-sized cup. So how do you keep up with a conversation on patriotism and the American tradition on this auspicious day? By guzzling beer from one of these handsomely decorated beer steins. Running along the sides of the beer steins are four of the most important battles of the revolutionary war — the Battle of Bunker Hill, the Battle of Princeton, the Battles of Saratoga and the Siege of Yorktown. Remembering these four names and remarking, “Ah, it really gets to you when you think of the fine men who fought at [insert name of battle depending on position of stein at the time of utterance].” If you’re drinking with fellow patriots, and you are drinking in public (the latter unlikely unless you are the kind of guy who brings his own stein to the bar, in which case we salute you) someone may even by you a round.