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Dealing With Crany Co-workers and Clients |
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Dealing With Crany Co-workers and Clients
Dealing with Cranky Co-workers and Clients
How to Banish Negativity to Keep the Joy of Work Alive COPYWRITE: Jody Urquhart • Learn How to Stay Calm and In Control In Conflict • Learn Four Steps to Deal with Negative Behavior • Practice Handling Conflict With Ease and Confidence Let’s face it; some people’s mood swings can gnaw at your sanity. Crankiness is infectious. It can spread through an office as silently and pervasively as a virus. You will do anything to escape the cranky person’s subtle harassment and frequent emotional outbursts. Another’s foul moods can become your liability, draining the joy out of your job. These unhappy individuals can deteriorate group morale, lower productivity, and scare away clients. MIRROR, MIRROR, ON THE WALL, WHO’S THE CRANKIEST OF THEM ALL? Unbelievably, most prickly people have no idea of their toxic attitudes. As psychologists suggest, knowing is half the battle because you can’t change what you don’t know and you can’t see. How do you help cranky people to ‘fess up to their mood swings? Can you hold up a mirror so they can see the villain inside? Read on to find out how to “de-crank” the cranky. Before getting overwhelmed by their energy sapping demands, remember you are in control. Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Names Will Never Hurt Me Remember that nobody can ruin your day until you give him or her permission. Only you ultimately control the way you respond to situations and people. This is very powerful. The next time someone loses it and tries to take it out on you, before you get upset or take on the blame, be assured that you have a choice. Do I let this upset me or not? Most things don’t warrant your attention. If you work with someone who habitually flies off the handle, you will have to learn not to take it personally. TIPS TO DIFFUSE CONFLICT: • Diffuse hostility by relating to the other’s point of view. • Anger is not productive and the sooner you can calm the culprit down the better. Use statements like, “I can appreciate what you’re saying” or “I’ve felt that way too” or “That’s what I’ve thought for awhile” or “While that may be true…” Once you’ve calmed the other person down you can discuss things on a more reasonable level. If you can win them over, they will start to see you as an ally and trust in your opinion. This is where you have the power to influence their future behavior. • Stay calm. Going straight for the throat is the worst thing you can do because people tend to mimic your behavior. If you get angry, they get angrier and you have just helped to fuel their behavior. When under fire in such a situation, use deep breathing, positive affirmations (e.g. “I will remain calm, “or” I can handle this”), or focus on the resolution. • Back out gracefully. We are all human. If someone is on the attack and you’re not in the mood to defend yourself, try diffusing the attacker and back out gracefully. “I can see you are upset, and we need to discuss this, but now is not the time. Let’s talk about it later.” It is far better to come back to that person after time out when you are both in the mood to discuss the situation. • Use good body language. In situations of conflict, body language betrays your frustration and anger. Indicate you are listening by making eye contact, nodding, smiling, leaning forward, and paraphrasing what you hear. • Verbally move the “complaint” along. Some people need to complain, so let them. Most people will get it out and move on. Others may see this as an opportunity to drag someone else through the mud. The best way to stop the complaints is to move it along. “OK, yes, alright… I hear you...” Once you get the gist of the argument, quickly reiterate their concern and move onto the solution. You don’t have to be a victim of others’ complaining, so instead of visualizing duct tape over their mouths, try paying attention and move the conversation along towards a resolution. • Listen for words and emotions. When people are emotionally charged, they color their words with their attitudes. It is important to stay focused. What are they getting at and what does this mean to you? It helps to be straightforward and ask, “What are you trying to tell me?” Try to understand their basic needs and respond to them. Your responses may not solve their deeper life issues but they will set a positive tone in your relationship. • Be solutions-oriented and not problem focused. Behavior that gets recognized gets repeated, good or bad. If you spend too much time wallowing in the problem it may just grow. Understand and sum up the problem and immediately focus on the solution. • Use the “How can I help?” approach. “You seemed annoyed and withdrawn at the meeting when we really needed your input. What’s wrong? How can I help?” Most frustrated employees really want to talk about the situation so they can move on. • Never blame. When someone is upset, placing the blame back on him or her is dangerous. They are not in a position to recognize their faults. Avoid phrases such as: “You should have, you didn’t, you can’t…” These accusatory statements will only put others on the defensive. FOUR STEPS TO DEAL WITH NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR 1. Diffuse the anger by relating to the problem. “I notice you seemed irritated by my patient and I can understand. Sometimes she is hard to deal with.” 2. Talk about what you saw. “I saw you get really upset with Ms. Jones because she wouldn’t take her medication.” 3. Ask for what you want. “The next time this happens, can you just politely explain why the medication is important and assist her in taking it?” 4. Wait for agreement. Sit down if possible when delivering criticism. Arguments tend to escalate when people are standing. Crush Criticism Squawking sour criticism behind co-workers’ backs is destructive. Eventually, people become wise to cruel intentions and this begs for retribution. Stop criticism before it gets out of hand. Encourage employees to keep a positive tone when talking with co-workers. If they carry a grudge it should be dealt directly with the person they hold the grudge against. Be on the watch for criticism seeping into conversation and encourage critical colleagues to explore their feelings and come to terms with them. EXERCISE: PRACTICE CONFIDENTLY CROSSING CRITICISM Who are the difficult people in your life? Make a list of some who you have encountered in the last couple weeks. Briefly recall the situations. What did they say and how did you handle it? Now visualize it happening differently. What would you say that would calm the person down? How would you move the conversation along and resolve the issue? See yourself doing this in a very relaxed, confident and focused manner, positively affecting the relationship in the future. I suggest you do this visualization exercise once a week if possible. Then when you are in a tumultuous situation, all you have to do is call up this vision you have rehearsed in your mind and it will give you the confidence to handle the situation. DISARMED BY HONESTY Imagine this. A frustrated employee tries to provoke a co-worker. It works; he’s mad. But instead of traditionally flaring up, he stops and realizes he’s angry, reflects on the reason and responds with an honest _expression of his emotion. He says, “I want to understand what you’re saying and I’m feeling frustrated that we can’t come to terms with this. I don’t dislike your idea; I’m just finding it hard to concentrate because we are both so emotionally charged.” There is nothing more disarming than an honest and clear _expression of emotion. Honesty disarms crankiness. If we don’t deal with emotionally charged situations right away then we might carry emotional baggage that colors our relationships in the future. Be faithful to who you are and what you are there to do. Resist the temptation to let others derail your efforts. ACTION PLAN 1. Practice the techniques to keep calm and in control in conflict. Write down the techniques that work best for you so that you can use them again. 2. Practice the four steps to deal with negative behavior. 3. Do the practice visualization—handling conflict with ease and confidence. |