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CAPRICORN
You’re one helluva violent Alec Smart. You know all the rules and you know how to break them too (mostly with a cricket bat or a hockey stick.) People think you’re such a goat, so coy, so domesticated and so honest but let me tell you people you cannot be more wrong. These capricorners are bald-faced liars and misers too!
This year loosen your purse strings and for heaven’s sake get a gift for your loved one. Or else the tightness of your fist will result in an even more tighter a**hole, making it difficult for you to do any kind of morning business. For you billies cash and **** goes hand-in-hand this year.
AQUARIUS
You Aquarians are totally unpredictable. You can go to any direction and people who are with you are forever wondering whether you’re coming or going. You’re spiritual but you’re slyly so and your prayer goes something like this, “May those who love me, love me, and those who don't love me, may God turn their hearts, and if He doesn't turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles so I'll know them by their limping.” And this is how they identify their friends and foes!
This year take a vow to pray with the intention of PRAYING not PREYING. Or else all the fishes, the crabs and all the water signs will pray that you lose all sense of direction and end up at Ram Gopal Verma’s house who will cast you in Ram Gopal Verma Ki AAG 2 opposite RGV himself.
PISCES
If anyone wants to learn how to build castles in the air you should go to a Piscean. No kidding, they dream about self pouring tea-pots and genies too. More often than not they’re victims of their choices and because of their choices their friends and family have to suffer.
Now instead of nodding your fathead keep it firm on your shoulder, you fishy fish or else you’ll lose your job and for the rest of the year you’ll be seen bobbing your head and flipping burgers in some shady joint in newly-found state Telangana.
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